by Fred Zurofsky If you look around and observe the relationships of your close friends, you will see that some husbands play the role of the intimidator. As an intimidator, he controls you and the children by making you fear him.
In some cases, men will use intellectual intimidation. In a sense, this husband acts as both victim and interrogator.
The interrogator role is usually a reaction to his awareness of his own vulnerability which he can't handle in any other way.
He does this by using a variety methods like shouting, accusing, and even threatening physical harm. His thinking is that if you don't shape up, he have every right to punish you or the kids.
He can use these control techniques because they play into your own fears and self doubts. He is simultaneously the police, judge, jury and firing squad. Another benefit he gains from playing this role is that he never has to look at himself or make personal changes, as "I am perfect" and the others are all wrong.
Suggest an easy way for him to express his wants and needs by making a list of them and how you can go about creating a much better future based on these and your expressed needs.